This was written for PJ's writing contest 5 (WC5).
http://www.penciljack.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61291
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TITLE: Mr. Cuddly makes a decision.
Page 1
Panel 1- A very large man with a tiny head fast asleep (dressed in vividly striped pyjamas pants and a white collarless t-shirt) on his side (back to us) on a large bed against the wall in a tiny bedroom. There’s a suitcase on the threadbare carpet floor. The window is open and the curtains are fluttering in the breeze, sunlight is beginning to stream through.
Panel 2- Large Man (Mr. Cuddly) has now opened his eyes, stretching awake. You can see his T-shirt with the writing: ‘My name is Mr. Cuddly’ in faded red big letters.
Panel 3- Mr. Cuddly tried to get up from bed and bumps his head on the ceiling.
SFX- OMMMPPHHH…
Panel 4- Rubbing his head, Mr. C is now in a tiny kitchenette overlooking a dingy living/dining area, making his bacon and eggs.
Panel 5- Close up of a large hand scraping the blackened eggs and bacon in the pan into a rubbish bin (or trash can).
Page 2
Panel 1- Mr C is nursing a huge cup of steaming hot coffee over the want ads in the paper. The “Recruitment Classifieds” should feature prominently as a headline. Some of the want ads are circled in red.
Panel 2- Split panel of Mr C on the phone talking to a female secretary (in the other panel). Mr C’s face should look despondent while the secretary looks bored.
Panel 3- Mr C is crossing off another want ad in those papers with a big red pen, making an X marking.
Panel 4- Mr C now dressed in a suit and an tall hat, holding the want ads/newspaper in his hand, locking his appartment door. His face is dotted as if he’s cut himself shaving.
Page 3
Panel 1- Mr C is carefully counting out the money to pay the bored looking clerk behind the ticket counter in a subway station. Behind him, irritated travellers impatiently look on.
Panel 2- Mr C is now sitting in a subway car (empty carriage), hunched over, looking sad and depressed. Opposite him, a cute and angelic looking little girl with pig tails and a summer dress eyeing him thoughtfully. She has a cute clutch bag on her lap and a travel bag under her feet.
Panel 3- Mr C is reading his newspaper. We should be able to see the headlines “SHOCKING ROBBERY ON TRAIN BY SEVEN YEAR OLD GIRL.” clearly visible.
Panel 4 (large)- Mr C has lowered his newspaper and looking in surprise at the cute little girl now pointing a big gun at him and her hand is out.
Page 4
Panel 1- Mr C has turned out his suit pockets and the girl is inspecting his outstretched hands with disbelief. Should only contain the key to appartment and small change and a sweet or two.
Panel 2- The Girl is popping the sweet into her mouth while the other hand is waving the gun at Mr. C who just looks resigned to his fate.
Panel 3- the Girl is sucking on the sweet while eyeing the sad Mr. C. She’s looking thoughtful, calculative.
Panel 4- The Girl is now talking animatedly to Mr C (the gun is still being waved about rather cavalierly) who now looks interested.
Panel 5- The Girl is walking away, putting the gun in her clutch bag. with Mr C behind her, he’s carrying a large travel bag, the zip should be slightly open and some dollar bills should be peeking out.
Page 5
Panel 1- Mr. C (in suit and tall hat), he’s looking happy, eating his breakfast at the tiny dining table. The morning newspaper is on the side, unopened.
Panel 2- Close-up of the newspaper. Headlines in bold should read: “Robber girl Still Terrorising Subway.”
Panel 3 (large)- The Girl is now pointing her gun at a rich corporate type sitting on the subway, he’s emptying his pocket contents into the travel bag held open by Mr. Cuddly.
- FIN-
Made some more revisions after Loston's input-thanks loston!
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TITLE- When you lose sight of what’s right.
Page 1
Panel 1- Night time in a dingy, graffitti covered area in the city. Beside a phonebooth with broken glass panels, two shady guys are exchanging a small parcel under a dim street light.
CAPTION- WHEN YOU START WONDERING WHY YOU DO THIS EVERY DAY..
Panel 2- Closer look at the two guys. One is dark, disheveled, unshaven, eyes nervously darting here and there. Lean and fit but his arms have needle marks peppered on them, longish hair flopping about his face. The other guy is an obvious dealer, diamond earrings, tattoo, handing over the package to the junkie.
DEALER- YOU KNOW THE DEAL… YOU’LL GET YOUR FIX ONCE YOU DELIVER THE GOODS..
JUNKIE- YEAH.. YEAH…
Panel 3- The Junkie is now holding the package, the dealer is talking as if issuing instructions, hands gesticulating, heavily ringed fingers. You can now see a gun at the dealer’s waist.
DEALER- NEXT DELIVERY’S THE HIGH SCHOOL..
JUNKIE- YEAH.. YEAH.. LINCOLN MEMORIAL HIGH..
SFX-BRRINGGG..
Panel 4- Dealer is just taking a phonecall, Junkie is glancing up at him (you should see some subtle changes in his appearance, less the nervous junkie, more authoritative), dealer hasn’t noticed, he’s turned slightly away.
DEALER- JUST GOT TO DEAL WITH THIS SKANK FIRST…
Panel 5- The dealer has turned around to face a gun barrel in his direction. The junkie is now calm, cool and steady as a rock..
JUNKIE- DEAL THIS…..
Page 2
Panel 1- All hell has broken loose. Cops everywhere, the dealer on the ground, handcuffed, sirens blaring, lights flashing. We see the junkie talking to a large set detective, the package in his hand, now in a plastic evidence bag.
DETECTIVE #1- HE ALMOST CAUGHT YA OUT THIS TIME…
JUNKIE- ALMOST… BUT NOT QUITE..
Panel 2- the Junkie is in a gym locker/shower thing, around him are cops in various clothes, some changing into uniforms, some into street clothes. The Junkie is wiping the needle marks off with a wet wipe. He looks disillusioned, tired.
CAPTION- WHEN YOU START TO WONDER ‘IS IT WORTH IT?’
Panel 3 (large)- Split into three smaller panels. Same scene to Panel 5 (pg1) but different dealers each time.
CAPTION- WHEN THEY ALL START TO LOOK THE SAME….
Page 3
Panel 1- the Junkie/cop is now writing report on a computer, his desk has got files piled up on one side, around him other cops at similar work.
CAPTION- AND YOU WONDER WHETHER YOU ARE REALLY DOING ANYTHING TO STOP THIS CRAP…
Panel 2- The junkie/cop interrogating dealer (from Page 1) in an interrogation room, plain table/chairs, glass on one side. Dealer looks unrepentant, uncaring. Junkie/cop looks angry and waving hands about. Next to the dealer is a lawyer, skanky type.
CAPTION- JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT’S A LOSING BATTLE…
Panel 3 (small)- The junkie/cop is opening a front door with his key, he looks really wound up, tired, stressed.
CAPTION- YOU COME HOME…
Page 4
Panel 1 (Splash page)- Perhaps a birdseye view. The junkie/cop is now wreathed in smiles, arms open, although his eyes look tired/stressed. He’s been enthusiastically greeted by wife (plump, short hair, brunette, asian) holding a young baby (6mths old, boy, chubby) and two kids (boys, around 3-4 year old and 8 year old), the joy on their faces to see him (kids should resemble junkie/cop in some ways). Nice living room/dining room (food on the dining table).
CAPTION- THEN YOU REMEMBER WHO THE BATTLE IS FOR…
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3 Pager- When you lose sight of what is right.
This is something that hit me last night so I decided to give it a go. I thought I'd try and do it in a 3 pager, since it was more an idea floating around, rather than a concrete character etc.
enjoy! (also posted on PJ).
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TITLE- When you lose sight of what’s right.
Page 1
Panel 1- Night in a city. Dimly lit by streetlights, quite a rundown urban area. Graffitti on walls. Two scruffy guys are on the corner, below one of the lights, near them a phone booth, broken glass in one of the panels. The two guys are close together and it looks like a parcel (small) is changing hands. Has to look clandestine.
CAPTION- WHEN YOU START WONDERING WHY YOU DO THIS EVERY DAY..
Panel 2- Closer look at the two guys. One is dark, disheveled, unshaven, eyes nervously darting here and there. Lean and fit but his arms have needle marks peppered on them, longish hair flopping about his face. The other guy is an obvious dealer, diamond earrings, tattoo, handing over the package to the junkie.
DEALER- YA KNOW DA DEAL…
JUNKIE- YEAH.. YEAH…
Panel 3- The Junkie is now holding the package, the dealer is talking as if issuing instructions, hands gesticulating, heavily ringed fingers. You can now see a gun at the dealer’s waist.
DEALER- NEXT DELIVERY SHOULD BE 54TH STREET HIGH SCHOOL..
JUNKER- YEAH.. YEAH.. 54TH STREET..
SFX-BRRINGGG..
Panel 4- Dealer is just taking a phonecall, Junkie is glancing up at him (you should see some subtle changes in his appearance, less the nervous junkie, more authoritative), dealer hasn’t noticed, he’s turned slightly away.
DEALER- YEAH.. YEAH.. I HEAR YA.. JUST GONNA DEAL DIS SKANK FIRST…
JUNKIE (WHISPER)- WE ARE GOOD TO GO…
Panel 5- The dealer has turned around to face a gun barrel in his direction. The junkie is now calm, cool and steady as a rock..
JUNKIE- DEAL THIS…..
Page 2
Panel 1- All hell has broken loose. Cops everywhere, the dealer on the ground, handcuffed, sirens blaring, lights flashing. We see the junkie talking to a large set detective, the package in his hand, now in a plastic evidence bag.
DET #1- HE ALMOST CAUGHT YA OUT THIS TIME…
JUNKIE- ALMOST… BUT NOT QUITE..
Panel 2- the Junkie is in a gym locker/shower thing, around him are cops in various clothes, some changing into uniforms, some into street clothes. The Junkie is wiping the needle marks off with a wipe (think baby wipes kinda thing). He looks disillusioned, tired.
CAPTION- WHEN YOU START TO WONDER ‘IS IT WORTH IT?’
Panel 3 (large)- Split into three smaller panels. Same scene to Panel 1 but different dealers each time.
CAPTION- WHEN THEY ALL START TO LOOK THE SAME….
Page 3
Panel 1- the Junkie/cop is now writing report on a computer, his desk has got files piled up on one side, around him other cops at similar work.
CAPTION- AND YOU WONDER WHETHER YOU ARE REALLY DOING ANYTHING TO STOP THIS CRAP…
Panel 2- The junkie/cop interrogating dealer (from Page 1) in an interrogation room, plain table/chairs, glass on one side. Dealer looks unrepentant, uncaring. Junkie/cop looks angry and waving hands about. Next to the dealer is a lawyer, skanky type.
CAPTION- JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT’S A LOSING BATTLE…
Panel 3 (small)- The junkie/cop is opening a front door with his key, he looks really wound up, tired, stressed.
CAPTION- YOU COME HOME…
Panel 4 (large)- The junkie/cop is now wreathed in smiles, arms open, although his eyes look tired/stressed. He’s been enthusiastically greeted by wife (plump, short hair, brunette, asian) holding a young baby (6mths old, boy, chubby) and two kids (boys, around 3-4 year old and 8 year old), the joy on their faces to see him (kids should resemble junkie/cop in some ways). Nice living room/dining room (food on the dining table).
CAPTION- THEN YOU REMEMBER WHO THE BATTLE IS FOR…
